A couple of months ago Minime got the coolest new job she’s ever had. She loves it, and that’s saying a lot because she’s never lasted more than a few months in a corporate environment.  She’s so damn smart she gets bored easily and that’s when the problems start. This one is cool though.  It’s for <insert trumpet fanfare here>  my hosting company’s biggest competitor.

She gets to geek out and make money. It’s pretty ideal for her. She’s been networking computers since 2nd grade. It’s in her blood.

As part of her job, she also gets a huge discount on a reseller account, and as her customer I get a huge discount on my own reseller account.  I can now branch my web presence out the way I’ve been dreaming of without most of the cost, without using subdomains, which is really messy, and the cherry on the cake is that I get awesome tech support – Minime

She’s done with training and starts her normal shift this coming week. Even though she’s been getting up at 5 am for the last couple of months, she’s come home most days loving her job, learning new things, excited about the sales she’s making, and ready to go at it again.  I’m happy for her. I hope it continues to be this fun for her.

As for this site. I’m still editing, changing things, and fixing things.  It will get better as time goes on. Right now I don’t have the time I need to do it all at once and keep my other projects moving forward, so it will happen a little at a time.  This has become more of my personal journal than the public site that I originally envisioned and I’m going to keep it that way.  I have a pretty clear vision of what I want to do with other sites, so I’ll be working on that in my other spare time <cough>.

As for a life update… Things are moving in the right direction, but there is truth in the saying that the easiest way past something is directly through it. Therapy is hard. There have been weeks where it has been all consuming. This means that we’re getting to the core of some issues and facing them head on.  Can I tell you how much it sucks?  Every time I think that there will be a breath of fresh air, there’s something right there to suck it right out of me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. I’m not giving up. I know that if I stick with this things will get better, and if I don’t, then nothing will change and things will just keep getting worse, so I’m sticking to it because it’s the right thing to do for myself. The diet, not so much, but I’m mostly back on that wagon too.  It’s all tied together, making good decisions for myself, food included.

I have also begun crafting again. Nothing that I used to do before, but trying new things that interest me. Today I made a pomander out of an orange, some cloves, and spices, and now it needs to be tended to for a couple of weeks while the orange dehydrates, and then it should smell (more) wonderful. I’ll tie it up with some ribbon and make somewhere smell pretty.  I’m also going to work on learning how to do a new crochet project this weekend. I bought the pattern and the yarn last week.

It’s something I can do and keep an eye on my cat that is sick again.  I think that she’s nearly out of her nine lives, but this spell hasn’t been as bad as some so I’m hoping she pulls out of it. I am making use of the kitty pharmacy that the vet has provided to get her through these spells, and spoiling her rotten with whatever food she can tolerate.  She’s still got the mass in her gut, and that can cause problems really quickly if it grows, so I’m keeping a close eye on her. Fingers crossed that she’ll be OK.

Namaste

walking walking,

walking walking,

hop hop hop,

hop hop hop.

running running running,

running running running,

now we stop.

You can thank me for the brain worm later

I went for a walk through my neighborhood this morning. I normally try to walk through the woods or at least on a walking path like the ones around my office park. I’m much more comfortable on a path. It’s usually quieter, and I can be alone with my thoughts, or with a friend. Today though, is the first real day we’re having anything close to comfortable weather. It’s not humid, about 65 degrees out, sunny, slight breeze, awesome walking weather. I woke up wanting to get outside, but I really can’t afford to go anywhere.  So I walked. I love walking, it’s FREE!! and free is good right now.

When I was a kid, I walked back and forth to school, but on the route that I walked I rarely saw anyone so I was basically alone with my thoughts.  There was “the Hi Guy”. All the kids that walked that street to school knew him. He was an old man that waved from his front porch to anyone that walked by.  I always thought he was creepy and was glad I walked on the other side of that street, but he was probably just a kind old man looking for a smile. 

Whenever I could, outside of school hours, I’d hop on my bike and ride the streets of the neighborhood. I’d see more people than I did walking to school, but I had speed on my side.  I’d bike for hours, alone with myself in a way, waving at friends and neighbors, but not stopping to talk.  There was a peace that I found when I was alone with my thoughts that I didn’t have when I was at home or school.

I’ve always been kind of a loner.  I have a few close friends. I love them dearly, and they love me back.  I’ve never felt the need to have a crowd of “friends” around me that aren’t really friends.  I don’t have 500 facebook friends and I’m ok with that.   To me friends are people that I like to share time with, talking about real issues, enjoying the company, touching each other’s hearts.   

I’m not anti-social. I have lots and lots of acquaintances too. People that I have worked with, or schooled with, or churched with, or met any number of places.  We know each other’s names, I always make a point to be kind, because the world needs that, but I’ve never spent any quality time with them, getting to know who they are as people.  That may be my loss, I understand that, but it’s a conscious decision on my part.  I’d rather spend my limited time growing a living, established relationship than make ten new ones that will go nowhere and take time away from the people that I love to spend time with. There’s only so much of me .

I am however, an observer of these acquaintences, and that is a position that I enjoy. People are amazing creatures. I have the most fun at sales meetings related to my job, just watching people, how they relate when they’re put into the forced kind of settings that those trainings meetings are. I know from one on one conversations that a good half of them hate it, but they put on their sales faces and get through them.  I stay outside of the politics as much as I can, but they sure are amusing to watch.

This morning, on my walk the sun was out, there was a nice cool breeze. That kind of thing makes me happy. I was open to seeing what was going on around me, not so much in the politicky attitude that I get at sales meetings, but in the attitude of “hello universe, what do you have for me today?”

 As I walked out the door and down my street, there’s an old Mexican man about 5 or 6 houses down from me, that sits in a lawn chair on his driveway and just watches the world go by. His grandchildren live with him so they are usually out there while he’s sitting there, but this morning it was just him.  I nodded and smiled as I walked by. I don’t think he speaks English and my Spanish is muy mal. He reminds me so much of the “Hi Guy” from my childhood, but he’s much more active and mobile.

Down another block there was a young father talking pictures of his toddler playing with a skateboard.  It was adorable. I’d say the boy was around two and a half, and he was sitting on the board, trying to lay down on his belly without the board rolling out from under him and getting mad that daddy was taking pictures instead of helping.  By the time I got there, his dad had stopped long enough to hold the board, and he was taking more pics as it slowly rolled toward him with his son on it, both of them grinning from ear to ear. It was a sweet moment.

On that same block, behind my house, there is a house that’s been empty for a few years. We assume that it’s the son of the elderly people that used to live there that comes and mows every week or two.  There was a car in the driveway, but I didn’t see anyone, so he must have been inside doing something.  I’m sure the lawn will be mowed before he leaves today.  

I walked past 2 parks on my walk. Both were empty. It’s a chilly saturday morning, the kids are all inside watching cartoons with their jammies still on. I remember those days fondly. Let them enjoy it, the sun will be out all day waiting for them. 

On the way back toward my house, a woman who was walking her dogs had stopped to talk to a neighbor about baseball. Neither of them looked at me but she moved so the dog leashes weren’t blocking my path. Her fat little scotty dog gave me the once over but I walked past before he could yip at me. After that  there was a yard on a corner where a fat German Shepherd keeps guard. He barked at me as I walked past, he wasn’t bothering me, just letting me know that was his yard. I’m OK with that. I wasn’t going to invade.  His owner was at the back door yelling at him to shut up and apologizing to me for his barking. The owner was louder than the actual barking dog.  People should listen to themselves sometimes, and, as a side note: there are a lot of fat dogs around here.

It was a nice walk, a 20 minute mile. I haven’t really exercised since my surgery, so I was a little tired at the end of it. I recovered quickly though, and I’ll probably go for another walk tomorrow. It’s supposed to heat up again Monday, but I might sneak one in early before it does. 

I really enjoy walking. Aside from the exercise that I need desperately, it’s a chance to observe. Whether I’m in the woods, or just around my house, my brain likes that kind of exercise as much as my body does.  

It’s also time to start exercising regularly again. It’s been three months since  my surgery, and I’m putting  back on some of the weight  that I lost because I’m not exercising, so this weekend I’m turning that around. Three walks, three days in a row is a good start.

Namaste.

I’m gearing up for major surgery in less than 2 weeks. Going through all of the pre-surgical appointments, getting all the forms filled out, planning what needs to be done to get the house ready, the roommate ready, the bills paid, the important paperwork updated, and keeping the hand sanitizer close by. If I get sick now it will be post-poned, and that would suck.

One slight complication is that I hurt my knee a few weeks ago and it isn’t getting better. My chiropractor has been putting the TENS machine on it twice a week, and today he told me that if I weren’t having surgery, he’d be sending me for an MRI. The ACL or Meniscus or something is probably torn. If it was just muscular it would be getting better. I’ve got more important things going on, so  I’ll deal with that later. Being off of it for a week or two should help, so we’ll see how that goes.

and…Just because I don’t have enough going on right now, I also learned that the fees for my cell phone were going up, so if I wanted to bail on the contract and go back to my old company, who has better equipment for 20% less of a monthly bill, I had to do it before the end of the month. That became a bit of a hassle, but I got it straightened out in time.  Unfortunately, the phone that I want is backordered for a couple of weeks, so I had to go back to my old, not smart phone. I’m now going through app withdrawal   This wasn’t the best timing to do that. I have to carry both phones still, my iPhone still operates as an iPod touch, and it’s the one that I get my work e-mail on. The new smartphone should arrive when I’m home recovering, and that’s fine.  I have enough technology to get me through, and it will give me something new to play with about the time I’m getting bored to tears from laying around.

So, for the holiday weekend, I’m taking the cats to the vet, shopping for mulch so we can finish the flower beds that we’ve started, cleaning the house, organizing my office, finishing painting the garden boxes that Roomie made for me and then planting them, spending some time with my best friend at the arboretum, moving a couple of pieces of furniture, laundry, cooking, and one of these days I have to let my extended family know what’s going on.

I’ve got three days to get that all done, so I’m not too worried. As long as I don’t do a lot of stairs, I’ll be fine.

Roomie came through today in a big way too. I tried to mow the lawn a couple of weeks ago and paid for it with my knee. It was a week before it was back to only hurting when I straightened it. Today I came home and the lawn was mowed.  He found a neighbor kid to do it for a reasonable amount. The kid also cleans gutters, trims trees, and probably any other assorted odd job that needs doing around here.  That’s a huge worry that’s off my plate. I’m very thankful that he’s here to take care of those kinds of things for me.  Now I can devote the small amount of energy that I have to spend on the yard making it prettier and not just maintaining it. That is very cool.

Side note to my real life friends: my cancer blog has been revived and the details of the new medical stuff are there. Let me know if you need the link. 

Namaste

• Barfy cat is barfy again. She’s not as bad as before, but every time she has an episode, there’s extra meds, and close watching, and the worry.  I know she’s just a cat, but she’s my cat. I’m responsible for her, and I do what needs to be done to keep her healthy and out of pain.  Hopefully this episode was short. She hasn’t barfed today.  I got the meds in her yesterday, so we’ll see if just that one extra dose worked.
• Conan O’Brien is getting screwed, but he’s also getting $40 million, so I can’t feel really bad for him.  Jay Leno is just doing what the network tells him to do and everyone’s blaming him for the shake up. I kind of feel bad for him. I’m not really a fan though. Conan’s got amazing energy, Letterman is amusing and I usually watch him, but if there was a guest on the Tonight Show I sometimes watch that.  Out of the three of them, Jay Leno is kind of past his peak and not as funny as he used to be.  I hope Letterman gets really good ratings after the change happens, if it happens.  NBC blows lately anyway.
• and really, with the news out of Haiti, why is that such a big story? If you can spare even $10, please give it to the Red Cross, or other charity of your choice that is directly involved with the rescue and care of the people that were fortunate enough to live through the shake.  It’s been more than a week and the story is losing interest in the news. It’s up to us to keep the effort up until every life that can be saved, is saved.
• I’ve been doing the bodybugg thing, and it’s giving me good feedback. I’m still tweaking it because I’m losing more weight than it says I should be losing.  I can live on 1800ish calories a day quite nicely for long periods of time. I just need to up the exercise now. One step at a time. The exercise gets easier after I drop the first 10 or 15 pounds. I’m most of the way to 10 now, and I’m feeling better except sleep has been hell for the last week, so maybe a few workouts will help me sleep a little better.

OK, the new-ish musician is Matt Morris. He’s got a new CD out, so he’s been doing a press tour. He was on Letterman last Friday, and one of the Saturday morning news shows, and on Ellen today. Most of what I found on YouTube is acoustic, and he’s very good at it, but the band that he plays with totally fills out his sound. I don’t know how to describe his sound other than it makes me mellow. Sort of an easy jazzy carribeanish rock. That clip that I linked to is a decent representation.  His new CD is on iTunes. I have been listening to it for a couple of hours today.  He is a spiritual creature and it shows in his lyrics. It’s just good music all the way around.

Bedtime here.

Namaste

I won’t talk about the specifics at work, but it’s busy, we’re doing OK, and as much stress as there is there, the people that I work with all say the same thing. We’re greatful to have jobs, and as much as the workload  sucks, the people are great. We have a little fun every day in between all the tasking. By Friday we’re all worn out and grumpy but rarely at each other. It’s a good place to work. We’re doing OK through this economy so far.

I took the diabetic cat to the vet Thursday. The vet called yesterday with the results of the blood test and we have to lower his insulin just a wee bit. His sugar level is well controlled and his mid day level was a bit too low, so not so much insulin will fix that.  I also talked to the vet that did the surgery on my little girl kitty.  We’re going on the theory that she’s got IBS.  She threw up again last weekend, so the vet gave me more anti nausea drugs for when that happens, and she’ll be on steroids every other day for a couple more months, maybe forever. We’ll see how she does.  She’s got a couple of pounds that she needs to gain back, the steroids will help with that too. The cat world at Grania’s house, for now, is doing well.

Project house is progressing. This weekend’s plans are to nap a bit, and to clean a little more clutter out of the junk room.  Every little bit helps.  I’ve been looking at the book shelves in there, and there’s going to be a used book trade at work.  I think I’ll just donate a sack of books to the cause.  I have an empty dresser in that room too. I’ve decided that it will be used for three things.  Two drawers for office supplies, because my current desk only really has one pencil drawer and one bigger drawer.  Family tree stuff, organized by drawer, one for mom’s family and one for dad’s family. The third thing is craft tools.  I have lots of random useful crafting tools, and they’re scattered through the house, so now a drawer or two will be just the tools. Paint brushes, my roto tool, hot glue gun, knitting needles, hook rug hooks, etc.  I have a separate cabinet for sewing, but I think the rest of it will fit in one big dresser drawer and the rest can be given away.

The one thing that I have yet to get under control is all the left over old computer junk.  I think I found a place that will recycle the old systems, but they only have one drop off per month.  The rest of it will be craigslisted as things like “a sack of cables”  and “miscelleanous computer bits”.  If you are in need of any connectors/network cables/etc or a really really old computer let me know, I’ll be glad to share. It seems a waste to get rid of all of that stuff, but I’ll never use it, so it really doesn’t need to be here taking up space.

Other things in my life have gotten “interesting”.

That’s a word that I got from Roomie, who uses it constantly.  Things aren’t good or bad, they’re just “interesting”. “Interesting” takes the judgment out of it and lets you see things objectively and learn from them.  Roomie lives that way, always looking for the interesting parts and learning.   There are, however, things that I don’t blog about, and these interesting turns in my life fall under that category. So, sorry for the tease. Just know that anything worth doing is worth the risk, and if you never take any risks things get quite uninteresting and that’s not how I want my life to be lived.

*commence whine*

My job used to be handled by 5 separate people. Through downsizing, it’s up to two of us now. Normally I share these duties with my partner, with him taking about 2/5ths of the load and I handle the rest because it’s mostly management stuff.  With him out, a sales push on, and the COO making decisions that directly cause increased management from me I’ve been working 11 non-stop hours a day, never catching up, and it’s getting to me. Two more days and it’s the weekend. Partner is working from home next week, but at least he’s working, and Monday’s a holiday, so I have a chance to catch up a little over the weekend before handing his stuff back to him.  I can make it 2 more days. I think.

(Sorry Ken, another cat update) I also have this beautiful, fairly young, animal who is very sick. The Vet is concerned enough to want daily updates, and today we decided that I have to force feed her a bit.  Fortunately she took to it. This food is like Ensure for kitties, and she likes taking it from a syringe. She ate a couple of tablespoons of it when I got home tonight, on top of maybe 1/10th of a cup of dry food that was gone since this morning.  So, she’s eating a little on her own, and this high calorie stuff should help too.  She’s also on steroids, antibiotics, and something that’s supposed to help her intestines remember how to push food through.  If I can get her back to normal, she’s never getting another kitty treat again.  The Vet suspects Irritable Bowel Syndrome, so she’ll probably be on a restricted diet of just high quality cat food and things like plain, cooked meat forever. Cats are carnivores, they have no use at all for the carbs in the canned/dry cat food.  This diet will be good for my diabetic cat too, so I guess I’ll just deal with the expense. They’re worth it.

I miss Roomie too. He’s still here, but we’re both so busy working that we haven’t had any quality conversation in a couple of weeks. It sucks.  I haven’t been around enough or had enough brain left at the end of the day to make much effort to be with him, and he’s been working well into the evenings, so we’re both in our own worlds for now.

OK, enough of that. Good Lord, I need some cheese with that whine.

Even two years ago I would have let all that get to me.  I’ll admit there’s not a lot that I’m enjoying about life right now, but that’s short term. All I have to do is look around me to see how blessed I am.

First of all, I’m alive. Being a cancer survivor, even the minor, mostly non-fatal kind of cancer that I had, puts a perspective on things that I didn’t have before. I’m Alive. I have a new chance every morning to experience everything that life brings, good and bad. I can take the bad stuff a little easier now because I have seriously considered the alternative of not being able to experience it.

Secondly, I have everything that I need. I’m by no means wealthy, but my pantry is stocked, my car runs,  I have a roof over my head, and a job that I really am grateful for and enjoy most of the time. I have the best family I could ask for, and I have friends that love me for who I am.  Anything more than that is gravy.  I’ve worked hard for what I have, and for how far I’ve come in the last few years. I take nothing for granted. At least I try not to.

Third, I’ve really been missing having a serious relationship with a man lately, but I’m also aware that by not having a relationship I have learned a lot of good things about myself.  I’m not dependent , needy, whiny, or weak. I don’t NEED a man to have a fulfilling life. I miss having someone to share my days (and nights) with, but I refuse to sit around and feel sorry for myself or cry that my life is empty in any way.  I have a good life. I have so much to be thankful for.  Lesson learned. The right man will come along eventually. I believe that.

While I’ve been writing this, the cat has gotten up 3 times for more food.  She’s definitely more alert and a little active tonight. Not her normal self yet, but she was looking really bad Monday. I think we’re through that.

Tonight, I had to stop at the vets office to pick up a can of the Kitty Ensure. It’s been raining here today and I got out of my car and accidentally walked right into a big puddle on the way into the office. I picked up the food and on the way back to the car, this time I intentionally stomped my way through it.  SPLASH!SPLASH!SPLASH!

That felt kind of good.

Tomorrow is another day.

.

.

OK Ken, you can start reading here…

How ’bout that Obama guy huh?  He gives a good speech, I’m hopeful, but reserving judgement until he actually walks the walk.  I didn’t particularly care for her gowns today, but they are a good looking couple no matter what they wear. It was neat seeing the whole National Mall on TV today. I’ve spent a good amount of time there over the years, but there’s always more to see and do. It’s a pretty amazing place if you like architecture and/or history.

This week has been a little rough.  The push is on at work, and I have training for the next two mornings, so keeping up is nearly impossible. It’s Tuesday and I’ve worked 21 hours already this week.  That would be nice if I was actually paid for OT, but I’m salaried, so I do what I can to support the company. Hopefully next week will be a little more sane. At least the training will be interesting. It’s kind of a psychology personality class.  I’ve got an edge there. My major in college was Psyc. I could probably teach this training.

The result of all of the work is that I’m tiiiiiiiiiiired. I’m going to bed now.  There probably won’t be very much blogging for the rest of the week, but I’m working on ideas for some more serious writing.  Something will need to purge itself from my brain soon enough.

So many captions, so little time…

In her defense, she was stoned on pain meds when I took this last night.  That didn’t make it any less funny to watch her attempt to figure out why her eye wouldn’t open though. She tilted her head all different ways trying to get it worked out.  I really had to stifle the giggles I was having at her expense, the poor little girl.  She finally got it figured out and both eyes were open shortly after this pic. Sure was a lot of work though.  <giggle>

She said that I could let her out into the house, but other than a little exploring this afternoon, I’m waiting until tomorrow.  She doesn’t seem anxious to check out the going’s on outside of the room she’s in. The pain meds knock her out enough that she’s not her usual curious beasty self.  One more night in isolation so I can monitor her food intake and litterboxing won’t hurt her and it will give me more time to recover from the completely busy roller coaster of  week that it’s been.

I was supposed to go out tonight, girls night out, to a tapas restaurant, which I’ve never been to and would love to try. I wouldn’t enjoy it though.  Between the -17 on the carmometer going to the vet with a freshly shaved post-surgical kitty this morning, and the lack of sleep taking care of her all week, I’m done. I’ll finish what I need to finish for work (I’m writing this while eating lunch) and then I’ll probably order some food for dinner and tuck in for the night.

Hopefully this is the last update on the kitty until Tuesday when she sees the vet. I’m expecting a completely normal recovery for her, even if she is a slow healer.

I’m not a crazy cat lady, but I do have responsibility to take care of them. I love having them around too, especially my little sicky. She’s got major personality, and makes me smile every day.  When I have to decide to do something like emergency surgery instead of just putting her down, I’m conscious of the fact that she is my responsibility, but she’s also just an animal. If I hadn’t had the money to do the surgery, I’d have done what was right and put her out of the pain she was in.  I’m thankful I didn’t have to do that. Turns out the vet wrote off about 10% of the bill too, so that helped.  In the grand get out of debt 2009 plan, this puts me back a month or two, but I don’t have a dead kitty, so it was worth it.

I ran after work to get her a clean litter box and the litter that vets tell you to use for post-surgical beasts. I got her a bunch of food that I know she usually goes nuts over too, and a bag of kitty crack, commonly known as Greenies. She goes NUTS for them.  I was determined to get her to eat. The vet said she HAS to eat.  She hasn’t eaten since last weekend without barfing it all back up.

I picked her up at the vet. She saw me, crawled right into her carrier and settled down.

We got home, and I got her all set up to stay with me in my room tonight.  Against dr’s orders she escaped my bedroom the second time I opened the door and I let her take a supervised walk around the house to let her make sure she was home again. She checked the food supply, and hissed at her brother just for the heck of it, checked out what Roomie was having for supper, hissed at her brother again, and let me walk her back toward the bedroom.  She definitely thinks she’s the queen here.

I got her back into my room and over the course of the next hour she ate food and treats, had some water, peed in the new box with the sterile litter. If her behavior is any indication, my little girl is going to be OK. She just needed to be home.  I called the vet after she ate a bit because she was going after the treats like a starved beast, and I gave her a few more because she was so eager.  The vet said I made her day. They were really worried about her. I talked to the vet about giving her treats too, and she said it’s ok, but just a few every hour. It will keep things moving.  Kitty’s funny with these treats. She gets so excited we call it kitty crack.

She has jumped up and down off the bed twice now. She won’t be doing that once the pain drugs wear off.  I set up a couple of boxes so that she has steps instead of a full jump down. She’s resting now at the foot of the bed. She just had her hourly dose of kitty crack. Poor little girl is starved. She jumps up as soon as I touch the bag of them.

I think she’ll be OK, but she’s only 28 hours out from surgery. The vet said I should keep a close eye on her for a few days. I’m working from home tomorrow and I have the weekend, so I hope that’s enough.

She’ll get more pain meds and a check up at 9 am tomorrow.  I don’t think they will keep her once they see she’s perked up. She’s not naseous anymore either, so that’s good. She hasn’t barfed since she’s been home.

I’m just glad she’s doing better.