A couple of months ago Minime got the coolest new job she’s ever had. She loves it, and that’s saying a lot because she’s never lasted more than a few months in a corporate environment.  She’s so damn smart she gets bored easily and that’s when the problems start. This one is cool though.  It’s for <insert trumpet fanfare here>  my hosting company’s biggest competitor.

She gets to geek out and make money. It’s pretty ideal for her. She’s been networking computers since 2nd grade. It’s in her blood.

As part of her job, she also gets a huge discount on a reseller account, and as her customer I get a huge discount on my own reseller account.  I can now branch my web presence out the way I’ve been dreaming of without most of the cost, without using subdomains, which is really messy, and the cherry on the cake is that I get awesome tech support – Minime

She’s done with training and starts her normal shift this coming week. Even though she’s been getting up at 5 am for the last couple of months, she’s come home most days loving her job, learning new things, excited about the sales she’s making, and ready to go at it again.  I’m happy for her. I hope it continues to be this fun for her.

As for this site. I’m still editing, changing things, and fixing things.  It will get better as time goes on. Right now I don’t have the time I need to do it all at once and keep my other projects moving forward, so it will happen a little at a time.  This has become more of my personal journal than the public site that I originally envisioned and I’m going to keep it that way.  I have a pretty clear vision of what I want to do with other sites, so I’ll be working on that in my other spare time <cough>.

As for a life update… Things are moving in the right direction, but there is truth in the saying that the easiest way past something is directly through it. Therapy is hard. There have been weeks where it has been all consuming. This means that we’re getting to the core of some issues and facing them head on.  Can I tell you how much it sucks?  Every time I think that there will be a breath of fresh air, there’s something right there to suck it right out of me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. I’m not giving up. I know that if I stick with this things will get better, and if I don’t, then nothing will change and things will just keep getting worse, so I’m sticking to it because it’s the right thing to do for myself. The diet, not so much, but I’m mostly back on that wagon too.  It’s all tied together, making good decisions for myself, food included.

I have also begun crafting again. Nothing that I used to do before, but trying new things that interest me. Today I made a pomander out of an orange, some cloves, and spices, and now it needs to be tended to for a couple of weeks while the orange dehydrates, and then it should smell (more) wonderful. I’ll tie it up with some ribbon and make somewhere smell pretty.  I’m also going to work on learning how to do a new crochet project this weekend. I bought the pattern and the yarn last week.

It’s something I can do and keep an eye on my cat that is sick again.  I think that she’s nearly out of her nine lives, but this spell hasn’t been as bad as some so I’m hoping she pulls out of it. I am making use of the kitty pharmacy that the vet has provided to get her through these spells, and spoiling her rotten with whatever food she can tolerate.  She’s still got the mass in her gut, and that can cause problems really quickly if it grows, so I’m keeping a close eye on her. Fingers crossed that she’ll be OK.

Namaste

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m kind of taking a break from writing. There are some things going on around me that need some TLC and not to be written about, so I’m taking a break. Life is good at Casa Grania, no worries here. The holidays were excellent too.  Thanks for askin’.

Pretty much my only resolution this year was to try 100 new fruits.  It will probably take longer than a year to do that but that’s OK. I don’t really do resolutions, so we’ll just call it a goal and go with it.  The starfruit that I started with was pretty good. Kind of unusual and citrusy, but not a stringy mess like oranges can be. I don’t eat oranges because I can’t handle the texture. Starfruit are OK texture wise but the taste was a bit tart.  I ended up eating 2 slices of it and then throwing the rest into my morning smoothie. It worked well in there.  I think kumquats are next. I’m curious about them, and whole foods has them, so I’ll get a couple and see the next time I go there.

In the news here, Roomie and I are transitioning ourselves to a new diet. There’s a definite learning curve to this, and some equipment to get, but we both think it’s the right way to be healthy.  We are learning how to prepare and eat raw food (not meat, it’s cooked, but we’re eating much less of it).  I don’t know if we’ll go totally vegan or keep a little high quality meat around, but it’s been fun learning to do nutrition this way.  I’m investigating a couple of places around here that sell organic produce by the box for $25 a week, and also there’s a place to get grass fed meat for relatively inexpensive prices compared to the health food stores around here that carry it.  The more I study about this kind of food, the more I’m convinced that it will go a long way toward improving my health and well being.

All of it is pretty cool, and the best part is that I have a man in my life that’s leading me to be healthy and happy instead of dragging me down. That in itself blows me away, but it is also how it should be. We’re here to make each other better people, not to get sucked down into each other’s misery. Right?

In other news, my friend James finally sucked me into playing Warcraft.  It helped that Minime had a free year’s subscription that she offloaded to me. I’ve missed serious gaming almost as much as I’ve missed making music, so it’s a good way for me to re-engage for a few hours a week and get that out of my system. That’s taken the place of writing for now.  Don’t worry, I’ll have plenty to write about in a couple of months, but my priorities right now include protecting my friend, so rather than risk it, I’ll just go kill goblins and orks and stuff

Now I just have to get my piano moved upstairs…

That’s it for now

Namaste

Roomie made his traditional and yummy green bean/potato/bacon goodness in a pot.  I made the turkey breast, stuffing (eh, too mushy), baked sweet potatoes, pecan pie, cheesecake, and opened the can of cranberry stuff.  That’s it.  I set the table with the good china and silverware, we had candle light and just talked the way we always do.   Nothing remarkable, but I feel so blessed. Roomie is a positive force in my life, and we’re both, for different reasons, somewhat reclusive so I’m OK with just him and me at Thanksgiving dinner. I want it to be a nice meal, but I don’t stress about it like I used to when 15 or 20 people were coming over. We had a friend invited, but she got a few invites and one meant more to her daughter, so she went there.

Minime is allergic to turkey, Thanksgiving always included lasagna when she was around. Now she’s started her own tradition with her friends where she lives  and that’s all good. She and hewhostilldoesn’thaveablogname have a good life. I’m thankful for that too. I’ll see her tomorrow when bff and I take bff’s daughter back to school 20 minutes from Minime.  We’ll spend the evening gaming and talking, and just spending time together.

That’s what I want more than anything during the holidays. Time with my loved ones is somehow a little more important this year. Along with that, Minime is probably moving farther away soon, so a few hour drive isn’t going to be the way to see her on a whim anymore. I’m bummed, but their circumstances are changing and they’ll land on their feet, but it will probably require relocation to a more tech friendly town.

I did most of my Christmas shopping this morning, on line, in my PJs. It’s 15 degrees out, there’s no way you’d catch me waiting for a store to open at 5 am. I just have two more people to shop for, and two more gifts to make.  No big deal. The days of the overboard Christmas gifts, and something for everyone that I work with are over.  I’m on a budget for gifts this year and I should come in about $50 under that if everything goes well with those last few things. I’ve toned way down on the materialism since my ex is gone. He was the leader of that endeavor. If there was a new toy available he had to have it.  I’m happy with a bunch of hugs and a few good meals with loved ones. I’ve got enough stuff.

That being said, sometimes paying it forward works.  I gave my 92 year old aunt my last (good, Gateway when it was still Gateway) laptop when I bought this one that I’m typing on. That was cool because she’s using it to type out her memories/memoirs for her grandchildren. We’ve all been enjoying the bits of stories that she’s shared with each of us. She’s really working hard on them. It’s given her new purpose. I love that I helped do that and I had a new computer so instead of letting the old one sit there, it’s being useful.

I really thought that my new laptop would be better for me. Then, 8 months after I got it, the new one started overheating.

It’s been limping along for a couple of months now. Its poorly designed. I should have known better than to buy a Gateway now that they’re really owned by Acer but I talked myself into it because the price was right. Acer is low end and this one feels like it.  I have an i3(really good) processor that isn’t vented enough to keep the machine from overheating (really bad for it).  It’s great for typing posts, and surfing blogs and news sites, but when it gets to doing anything that uses the processor, like photo editing, watching videos, or game playing, it overheats in about 10 minutes.  I cleaned what I could get to a couple of weeks ago and that helped but it’s still shutting down in the middle of stuff and aside from that being annoying, I’m sure that it’s taking it’s toll on the computer.

So, tomorrow when I go to Minime and HWSDHABN’s, they are giving me one of their macbooks (SCORE!!!)  It’s “gently used” by my son in law, but with 4 gb ram, a new battery and I’ll put a new hard drive into it next year and IT DOESN’T RANDOMLY TURN OFF!!!!  They just got a new MacBookPro, so I get the cast off. I don’t care, it’s a Mac, and it’s way friggin better than this stupid Acer POS.

So there’s more to be thankful for. 1. My girl takes care of me. 2. a decent computer that DOESN’T RANDOMLY SHUT OFF and 3. I get to pay it forward again with the laptop that I’ll no longer be using. It’s a POS for me because most of what I do is graphics intense, but it’s perfectly fine for someone who doesn’t do all of that stuff. I have someone in mind. She’ll appreciate it. YAY!

OK, here goes me being brave. Not many people get to see my photography. I took the larger version of this pic a couple of weeks ago from my cube at work. My office is 20 miles west of Chicago, 120 feet up in a high rise. Recently my view changed from industrial (on the other side of the building) to this.  This was taken on a remarkably clear day with a decent zoom lens during the reddest part of the sunset, it’s actually a much smaller part of my horizon than it appears here. 

I have a professional photographer friend named James who spends his life shooting nature scenes where he lives in the mountains. He’s one of the few people that see a lot of what I shoot, and he critiques and gives advice on how to make it better. I value his advice. He’s got real talent, I get good insight from him, and he doesn’t charge me for photography lessons .  

I showed this one to him, half complaining about all of the things that I see wrong with it. His response was “Now THAT’s a shot”.

I think I just got my first “A” in James’ unofficial Photography school.

Friday we had a very quick employee sale at work and I got a brand new 32″ monitor/TV for about 1/3 of the cost that it would normally be, just because it’s disco’d and they wanted it out of the warehouse.  I got it hooked up tonight, and the picture is great, but the sound is bad. I’ll try a few things, like better cables and different inputs. If none of that works, I have a cheap surround sound system that would take care of the problem, so if that’s it I’ll connect it next weekend and have a totally overkill TV in my bedroom. But it’s cool and the deal that I got makes it worth it.   

Yesterday I went to visit my 91 year old aunt again. I am one of a team of two (her son is the other) that is her basic tech support and teachers for all things computer, and now that she’s got her own laptop, she’s eager to learn.  Her son, my cousin, has already taught her basic computer. She can get around in Word and e-mail, and save documents and stuff. We’re doing our best to be consistent between us and teach her in a way that doesn’t contradict each other.  She’s getting internet installed in her house in a few weeks, and that will be a whole new learning curve for her.  I’m so proud that she’s so willing to learn, and really eager.  That’s the kind of person I want to be at that age. She’s still involved with life and learning, and sharing her knowledge. That’s pretty amazing considering the amount of experience she has behind her.  She even wants to get on Facebook because all of her grandkids are there and she can keep up with them a little better that way.  How cool is that? She really is inspiring.

Today I had lunch with one of my dearest, closest friends. He’s my cousin’s ex husband, so it’s a bit of a strange relationship, but it works for us. He was the one that went with me to court when I got divorced. We don’t see nearly enough of each other. He lives an hour away, and he’s remarried nowto a really nice woman with 4 kids between them. It’s hard for them to get away too often without any of the kids.   That they spent that rare time and  drove down here to have lunch with me and then go shopping is very cool and special.  We talked a bit and got caught up, and hugged a couple of times. He’s a good hugger and I don’t get hugged much anymore, so I have to do what I can to keep up my hugslut status   I’m really glad that all of his kids are doing well. I’m related to his 2 sons, and they are both honor students and the older one is in sports too. They make him, and me, proud that they’re handling as much as they do so well.  

I came home and zoomed through 4 loads of laundry, cleaned half of the house, made dinner, and wrote for 3 blogs, so it’s been a busy day, but an excellent weekend. 

Namaste

I discovered these guys through my newest musical crush Jonathan Coulton (that second link is where he serenades my current author crush Wil Wheaton who’s books are excellent but his annuated audiobooks are AWESOME).

This was posted on their website this morning.

Happy Monday

Best moment with my best friend: aside from discussing the hotty, straight off the boat from Italy, waiter… sitting at lunch discussing future fun goals like visiting all 50 states, or learning to tat, or trying to play the violin again. I think I surprised her with a few of them. It was a fun conversation.  After we talked about all of that for a bit, she said: “Well, there’s a few that I think I can help with.”  How awesome is that? She’s not only there to make sure I’m OK, she’s the one that will bring me the tatting shuttle and sit and read the directions to me so that I can learn without getting frustrated. She is the definition of Best Friend. I couldn’t ask for a better person in my life. She and I have been together for 28 years. For better or worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health. The only thing missing between us is, how shall I say this gently,  guy parts.    Of course, if one of us were a guy, we’d have been divorced twice by now, so it’s a good thing that we’re both girls and have the ability to work through the hard stuff so that we can have days together like we did yesterday.

Best tech present: son in law installing my new car stereo, and the iphone cable, and itunes GC that came with the installation. It’s a serious technology upgrade, and good lord, one day later, after I’ve sort of figured it all out (I had to read manuals!), and I’m LOVING it.  The one thing I liked most on the car that I rented for my spring vacation was that it had an “Aux in” jack that I could plug my iphone into. This stereo has an “aux in” for my satelite radio, and an iPhone/USB jack for my iPhone, or if I want to load music onto a thumb drive, and it’s an HD radio.  I’m seriously gonna drive this car till the wheels fall off now.  I also got a really cool GPS software with the iTunes gift certificate, so my inner geek is fully stocked with new geekdom… for a few months anyway.

Best moment with my daughter: sitting in the back of the car with best friend and Minime while Son-in-Law was installing the stereo. I shared a sip of my fresh, made from scratch, not too sweet, not to sour, lemonade from the ice cream/popcorn place with Minime because it was yummy and I thought she’d like it. Just like when she was a kid, she came back for more. Seriously, that “want more” puppy dog face doesn’t change even one little bit when they grow up. She’s still got it mastered.  Now that she’s grown though, I pointed her to the store where I got it. She could buy her own if she wanted it.  We both smiled.  It was one of those moments where it’s fun for both of us that she’s grown up and we’re friends now.

Best non-tech present: the beautiful little glass Christmas ornament from my best friend. There’s a Christmas store in Galena that I usually stay away from because I’m an ornamentaholic, but we had time before meeting up with Minime, so best friend indulged me.  It’s a little hand-blown, clear glass ornament, with frosty glass around the edges, and a beautiful little cardinal. On on side it’s sitting on a branch, on the other, flying. It’s really a special little ornament.  It’s hanging on my bedroom door until Christmas comes.

Oddest Moment: Just after I sat down for lunch with my best friend, my ex texted me “Happy Birthday”. I haven’t seen or heard from him since we walked out of the courthouse, he doesn’t even know if I changed my mobile number or not, and I get a text 3+ years later?  Odd. I didn’t answer it. There’s no need to even go near that can of worms again.

Best accidental deal found while shopping: I bought a stuffed sleeping cat that simulates breathing… more fun stuff for the crazy cat lady’s (my) cube at work. The  clerk charged me $12 instead of $21 for it.  I’m not sure if that was a mistake or if it was the display model. I’m not going to complain. I’ll sneak it onto the corner of my desk and wait for people to notice.

Another best moment with my best friend: Sitting at the Olive Garden bar in Rockford, half way home, waiting for our take out food, we went into our usual routine and got the bartender laughing. He told us it was the most fun he’d had all day.  We have that effect on people. We have fun together, so people near us are usually smiling too. My son in law’s mother commented about that same thing at the wedding a couple of weeks ago.  It feels good that we can make other people smile too.

Best Friend has been going through some things lately too, so the pressure release that she gets from being away from that kind of stress for even just the day makes such a difference.  Just to goof around and laugh as much as we did was so fun.

It was a good birthday, probably one of the best that I can remember.  Today was good too. I had the day off from work.  I got some chores and errands done, and I saw the kidney doc. Surgery is 6 months away, I won’t prolong it more than that, but that gives me time to pursue a couple of personal goals that will help me get through the whole ordeal.  Everything will happen in it’s own time if I work at it.

I’m back to work tomorrow. I’m already looking forward to the three day weekend next weekend too. I really need to get the yard back into shape. I bought the string for the weed whacker today, that will help a lot. There’s always more to do than I have the time, energy, or will to do. I’m really considering popping the few hundred dollars next year for a lawn service. That would be totally self indulgent, but the thing that I hate most about homeownership is the weekly yardwork. Roomie helped me a lot with the landscaping when he first moved in, but now he’s working a lot, so it’s back on me. If I have surgery in the spring , that will clinch it, but even if I’m able, I’d rather spend my energy improving the garden than just barely maintaining it, which is all I’m able to do now.  Oh well, another decision for down the road…for now, I’ll keep basking in the birthday glow

The games I got (all on sale, btw) are

• the new DanceDanceRevolution (that would be seriously embarrassing if I wasn’t alone)
• Mario and Sonic Olympics (FUN!) and
• the Outdoor Challenge game (also FUN! except for the jumping which hurts, but I’ll get there eventually).

I’ll be getting some exercise this weekend, after I put the Christmas decorations away.

There are good things are happening too.

I’ve spent a few weeks discussing photography with a couple of my friends in the know, and they helped me make a few decisions. I have a decent little point and shoot digital camera. It was the best available a few years ago, and a faithful little picture taker, but it’s not a real camera, with real optics, and real settings that can be changed. I take good snapshots, but the point and shoot had sort of become a Geo Metro of a camera. You know, it works, but it sucks. It is very limiting as to what I want to do with a camera. It’s time to move up to a Toyota, cause I still can’t afford a Lexus

As fate would have it, I had to cash in some vacation days or lose them, so I spent about half of that on a new DSLR. My Nikon D40 kit (camera body, rechargeable battery, one lens, memory card and card reader, and storage bag) will be here Monday. I can’t afford anything else for it right now, but I got the minimum that I need to start learning real photography. I put a lot of thought into this. The money could have fixed a few things around the house, but I decided that this time I was more important. I made a decision at the beginning of July about a few things, and I’ve worked hard and stuck by them, and the benefits are awesome. This camera is a  nice reward for getting it together in the first place, and for not wavering for more than 5 weeks now. The camera itself gets hugely good reviews, and for what I want to do with it, this will be good enough for a few years. I can’t wait. I have a family party next weekend, so I’ll have it all set up and a bunch of practice shots in by then.

As for the decision that I made at the beginning of July, I suppose I should talk about it a bit. It’s going well. I’ve changed some habits and done some things for myself that put me on a positive path again. I’m eating better. Much less processed food, and I still eat out once or twice a week, usually salads or vegetarian food, and I’m not hitting the deli at work for lunch every day like I was. There are also these odd things called fruit and vegetables that exist and I’m actually enjoying them. Usually more of them than whatever beast is laying next to them on my plate. I haven’t had a bag of pretzels or popcorn, or anything else like that, except the few pieces of crackerfied cheezefood, since June 26th or before.  I’m down close to 20 pounds since then. Weight loss is not the goal, but it’s definitely a nice side benefit.  I’m not depriving myself, just eating healthier. Fueling my body, and not eating my emotions. My energy level when I was actually sleeping was the best it’s been since before my surgery. The insomnia is the only thing threatening to derail the positive momentum so I’m doing what I can to help myself and stay on track. I’m feeling better physically than I have in months, even as exhausted as I am. I also got my hair cut and highlighted. It’s really cute. And I hit up the clearance racks at my favorite store yesterday and I have some clothes for work that fit a lot better than the schlumpy stuff I’ve been wearing.

I’m doing OK. Now I just have to sit down and really work on my finances.  One thing at a time though.  Right now I’m still adding new good habits and killing old ones, another month or so of that should put me on a really good path to the life that I want for myself.  There’s always work to be done on that, but lately I feel like I’m making good progress.

It actually felt pretty good to be handed that project, trusted to understand the implications, asked for input because I know the process better than anyone, and then the actual execution of it with fairly little supervision.  I double checked everything this morning, and all that’s left is clean up work. Loose end tying. Piece of cake.
There are days when my job is monotonous. This isn’t one of them. I get a lot of satisfaction from doing something well, and I rarely get handed projects this large.  It will be business as usual again by next week, but for now I’m smiling, very relieved its done, and proud of how much I put into this. I’m also astonished at the end result. Nearly error free. Go Me!

I was really scared that I screwed something up. My brain still isn’t 100% done with adjusting to the new hormone levels. I’m not great at concentrating for that long yet. All it would take is one mis-sort and I’d be rebuilding the entire database.  I seriously had real doubt that I could pull it off.  I doubted and doublechecked myself all the way through it. I wouldn’t have done that before the surgery.  This project has done more than a little rebuilding of the confidence that I used to have. In a way, the doubt made me very careful about each step, and I did catch a couple of bigger mistakes in the process, so it isn’t all bad.

The thing that I learned about myself through the last week, is that I need to find the balance again between a good level of confidence in what I do while keeping enough humility to not feel bad about double checking my own work. This round was won by the humility.  I beat myself up way too much, didn’t trust myself to not screw it up, and spent not enough time telling myself that I know the process, the tools, and that I’m the human in the middle of it all that they trust enough to make it all happen. Next time I’ll be a little more confident.