I’ve also been working every day on getting my crochet even enough to make a blanket. I found a beautiful pattern, and I’m to the point where I just have one more thing to improve and then I’ll start in earnest on that.

I’ve been working on my technological life too.  I saved up enough to get a new computer that will get me through the next few years. The macbook that I was gifted has been wonderful, but it’s now also three years old and relatively slow (my other hobby is gaming), and the new ones are ahead of that curve. So, I saved and saved and cashed in some vacation and used Minime’s educational discount and bought a new one yesterday. I’ve spent this weekend moving things over there and getting it set up. I’ll go visit Minime in a couple of weeks to get the things done that I don’t know how to do, and then I’ll have a much better computer.  In the mean time, I’m still working on the old one which is also OK. As I work I’m taking note of what I use and what I don’t.  It will all come together soon.

This new computer is quite the milestone as well. When I resurrected my finances last year with a little help from my family, I had a list of three goals.  The first was camera gear.  Well that one fell into my lap when Minime sold me her used gear to finance a trip that she was taking. The second goal was the new Macbook.  Mission accomplished.  The third goal will have to wait though. My tax bill this year will take a while to pay off. I’ll do that as quickly as possible and then when that’s done, and my credit rating has had time to heal, I’ll go either lease or buy a new or newer used car.

This new computer will make a difference in my blog too. Soon (and I’m excited about this) it will no longer be a huge process to post pics, so soon I’ll be able to show you what I’m telling you about!  The old Macbook didn’t have a card reader on it, so getting pics off of the camera was a multi-step pain.  That is soon to be a non issue and I’ll be posting more pics.  YAY!

Yesterday we also went to Ikea and I replaced a couple of lamps. I had one of those $8  floor lamps from there, and it had a good life, but I picked it up to vacuum around it a couple of weeks ago and it literally fell apart in my hand.  So, I have now upgraded to a $20 floor lamp. The base is about three times as heavy, the torchier is actually hand blown glass, and the switch is an actual on/off switch and not one of those rotating wheel switches.  It’s silly how much pretty lighting makes me happy.  I also got a beautiful little floral etched glowing globe of glass for my office.  As I de-junkify and simplify, that little light will be so pretty, and fitting in my cozy little office.  There’s some more motivation to continue the de-junkifying. Soon my office will be prettier. The tree outside will be green and leafy, and I’ll have a nice creative and relaxing space. YAY!

We also went for dinner at our most recent favorite place.  We got a really slow waitress, but the food was excellent.  All in all it was a really good day.

Minime sucked me into Pinterest too. We’re both getting ideas from it. It’s pretty amazing what happens when you turn a bazillion crafty creative people into a single collective hive mind. That’s what Pinterest is.  There’s food, decorating, fashion, crafts, photography, wisdoms and jokes, and anything else you can think of there.  She found a recipe for some homemade laundry soap and it makes a lot, so I had her bring me some to try. I didn’t want to make buckets full of this stuff and (1) have it be crap or (2) have me be allergic to it.  This weekend’s laundry was the test. If I don’t break out from it, I’ll probably switch to it. It’s ridiculously cheap, with nothing except the ingredients that laundry soap should have.  I’ve been paying between $14 and $20 a month for laundry soap. If I switch to this stuff, that might be my yearly tab for laundry soap.  We’ll see how this week goes. I even washed my sheets in it, so I’ll know pretty quickly.  My skin hates certain chemicals in some laundry soap, so if I wake up itchy, I’ll know.

Whew, it’s been a busy weekend.

Namaste

I was his second patient that morning. 8:15 AM.  I got there and said hello to let him know I was there. He told me he’d be just a moment and I sat down in the waiting area.  He finished what he was doing and he said OK Dear, please come sit in my chair. He had his usual smile and I couldn’t resist a comment. I told him that I like him. He’s always smiling, always happy, always singing. Nothing bothers him.

He got all serious for a minute, still smiling of course.  He stopped what he was doing and told me a story in his wonderful Indian accent, about his mother back in India. “She used to tell me that everything costs something. Food costs money, houses cost money, clothes cost, even frowns have a cost. But, she said, there is one thing that is free! And that excited him. What could be free? She made him guess and guess, and guess, and he couldn’t think of it. So finally she told him. It costs nothing to smile.  Smiles are free. No matter what else costs, they are free, and they make people feel better.”  He never forgot that lesson.

We went on with the task at hand. He got his needle gear all together. Three tubes, the butterfly needle and the thing it is attached to. I have one vein on the surface and that’s the one that everyone tries for. It usually rolls out of the way, but never for him.

I commented on that too, he never misses. I’m not easy to draw blood from, others have had trouble. He said that God tells him where to go with the needle, he just listens.  I smiled. He has learned to trust that little voice that we all have but most of us ignore.I like this guy more and more.

The conversation went on.  I asked him if he had any vacation plans for the summer, and he shook his head and said “no, no money for vacation this year” and changed the tube that was on the other end of the needle in my arm. Still smiling. Humming his tune. I told him that I know how he feels, I’m broke too. It’s OK to be broke. Things are tight for everyone and yet we go on and learn how to enjoy life anyway.

Then a nurse came in and asked him a lab question. He helped her, with a smile of course, and changed the tube that was attached to my arm again. She left with her answer, smiling.

Then we were done and I wished him a good day. He wished me the same, with a smile.

I left smiling. Not only are they free, they’re contagious.  That’s awesome.

Smile

Dan is new to blogging, he definitely gets it though.  I defer to him today, my work week was tough and my brain is done for today.

Namaste

I feel like I need to acknowledge my dad, but this is my 35th Father’s Day without him physically in my life.  He still exists very much in my heart though, and I’m still learning from him in ways that I never would have expected. He was a serious force of life and a prime example of living each day like it was his last while he was here.

People tell me all the time that I must be so strong for going through what I’ve been through medically in the last few years.  I’m not that strong, but both of my parents weathered much worse medical storms than I have, and in doing so gave me the tools to survive through my own trials.

As I’m recovering from what I hope will be my last surgery ever, I think about everything that he went through recovering from the severe burns that he experienced as a child. His accident happened in the mid 1920′s in the infancy of what is today’s modern medicine. It’s a miracle that he lived through it all in the first place, but to go on and find the joy in life that he found still amazes me.

My dad lived life on his terms, with the only exceptions made to that for his wife and kids.  He was a bit of a wild child, but his love for my mother tamed him enough to shape him into a truly good man with more than a bit of a fun streak. He also sang, all of the time. His beautiful clear baritone voice is one of my fondest memories.  It was so pure, and he sang things that were so filled with emotion, it was like the window to his soul.  I’m convinced that he lived at a higher resonance when he was singing, just a little closer to the angels than the rest of us. I used to strive for that kind of musical purity in my own life. I don’t think that I ever touched it, except for a brief moment or two when I let go and let it happen. My dad though, he lived in that state of joy quite a bit, and it showed.  He also had the frame of reference on just how terrible life could be, so he appreciated the good moments with that much more positive energy.

It is those moments that I think about when I’m alone at night. I could be sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but instead I remain inspired by a man that died more than 35 years ago. He remains with me in so many ways. He never once felt sorry for himself. He had full reason to, but he made the choice not to live his life that way. I’ve been making a lot of my own decisions like that lately too. Releasing the negative, encouraging the positive to grow and flourish.  People ask me how I’ve lost weight, like there’s a magic pill or something. The most important thing in losing weight isn’t the diet. It’s the mindset.  Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and all of the tragedy that I’ve lived through my perspective changed.  That kind of negative thinking keeps me entrenched in the past and not focused on the now and the future. Now I acknowledge that things happened that I had no control over, but I don’t let it eat me alive anymore.

 I learned that lesson from my Daddy.  His life could have very dark and full of hatred, but he chose to live with joy and posessed an inner strength that few people ever even saw.  He was an amazing guy. I couldn’t be prouder to be his daughter.

Happy Father’s Day.

So, I live in the midwest, and we had an earthquake this morning.  I live very near the epicenter, and I felt it.  Every once in a while, Mother Earth likes to remind us who’s really in charge.  It’s funny. I felt the shake and heard the noise, but earthquake never went through my mind until I heard the “breaking news” on the radio that I tried to go to sleep to afterwards.  It was surreal. I didn’t sleep much after that.  I read in bed for a while, then got up and got myself to work, where the topic of the day was who felt it or not.

In other news, there’s an organization called TED that I somewhat follow. They are very good at putting influential people together to do good things, and inspire greatness.  Today their 2010 prize was awarded to that Naked Chef guy, Jamie Oliver.  I’ve liked him for years. He uses garden fresh ingredients, and the freshest, healthiest meats that he can find, and makes really good stuff.  He’s got this genius idea.  Deal with childhood obesity by teaching the kids how to deal with it, so they can teach their parents.  Check it out at Ted.org.  The conference is going on right now, so the new vids aren’t up yet, but there’s a page about the prize and Jamie talking about it. Think about where the recycling movement started. Teachers in schools challenged their students to recycle. The kids took it on and now the whole country has recycling programs. The same thing can be done with nutrition. His idea, is that if we teach kids what a potato or leeks or any other vegetable looks like, and then teach them how to use them and healthy meats or other protein  in 10 solid, nutritious, recipes, and then they teach 3 friends, and that cascades, then we have kids fighting their own obesity, teaching nutrition to their parents, and taking personal responsibility for their own health.  How cool is that?  It’s a lot more complex, but that’s the idea at the core of it.

My response to that is that I’ve recently changed my own personal rules.  I got obese eating crap, so that went into my own personal decision to change my ways.  I no longer buy lunch at work. I either bring something I’ve made, or eat something like a can of healthy, low sodium, lots of veggies soup or occasionally a frozen dinner kind of thing for my midday meal.  My snacks are yogurt or cheese instead of chips or candy, more often than not I cook myself oatmeal for breakfast. Real, old fashioned oatmeal. Just the difference between fresh cooked old fashioned oats and that processed sugared instant crap oatmeal is astounding.  One half cup of oats, a cup of water, a measured amount of brown sugar, a splash of vanilla, and enough cinnamon to make it tasty, and I’m satisfied for hours.  One of those processed carby instant things, is 1/4 the amount of food, and so loaded with sugar that it’s ridiculous.  Fresh food is so much better, healthier, more satisfying, and there’s a sense of satisfaction eating something that I cooked myself, rather than dropping a few dollars for something fast and awful.  It took me 43 years to finally understand that. If Jamie can get to these kids and give them the tools, our population will be much healthier as these kids take pride in taking care of themselves.  It’s a genius idea.

Namate

Meip Geis died yesterday. Anyone who knows the story of who Anne Frank was knows who Mrs Geis was. She was 100.  This is from an interview that she did with a group of school children that I read on line today:

How does it feel to be a hero?
I don’t want to be considered a hero. Imagine young people would grow up with the feeling that you have to be a hero to do your human duty. I am afraid nobody would ever help other people, because who is a hero? I was not. I was just an ordinary housewife and secretary.

She was a beautiful woman.

Reading that whole interview got me thinking about another holocaust survivor. I’ve studied Viktor Frankl in depth when I was an undergrad studying humanistic and existential psychology.  He had everything taken from him and lived in a concentration camp for an extended period of time as a laborer. It was in that camp that he started developing his version of existential psychology.  He witnessed all sorts of people in that situation, and noticed that even when people are stripped of everything they own and people they love, they still have a choice on how to respond to the situation.  Dr Frankl’s whole psychology was based on that. Here are a few quotes from him that still touch me:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
The last of human freedoms – the ability to chose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.
When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.

Good stuff there. I miss school, and studying these people that fundamentally get it at the most basic human level.

next topic:

I got a cheaper better version of the BodyBugg. Minime turned me on to the bodybugg when she got one for free from a friend. It’s a cool gadget that basically tracks everything about how your metabolism works. It gives good feedback about what your body is actually burning, and with that info allows you to adjust things to get the most out of an eating and exercise plan. They use them on The Biggest Loser. They are the things that the people are wearing on their upper left arms.  You plug them into the computer every few days to charge and download, and the software analyzes all the data and gives you good info to move forward with.

This one also tracks sleep. How long you are laying in bed versus how much you actually sleep. That’s medically relevant for me because of the sleep issues that I’ve had. I can take that to a sleep specialist with my history of all of the sleep drugs that I’ve tried, and hopefully get some help.

I’m fortunate that my metabolism still works. I’m interested in what the data this little thing gives me. It’s still me doing the work. The extra exercise, the eating better, is all me, but I’ve now got something that gives me feedback a lot faster and more reliably than a scale that moves up and down for many mysterious reasons that don’t have anything to do with calorie deficits.

BTW, there’s a website called Fitday.com that does the same thing without the gadget. That helped me a lot the last time I lost significant weight. The softwear for my bodybugg thing is very similar, just with a little more feedback from the gadget.

It’s bedtime.

Namaste

There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in
a beautiful antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding
anniversary.  They both liked  antiques and pottery, and
especially teacups.  Spotting an exceptional cup,  they
asked, “May we see that?  We’ve never seen a cup quite
so beautiful.”

As  the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke,
“You don’t understand. I  have not always been a teacup.
There was a time when I was just a lump of red  clay. My
master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me
over and over and I  yelled out, “Don’t do that.”

“I don’t like it! Let me alone,” but he only smiled, and gently
said, “Not  yet!”

Then  WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly
I was made to suit  himself and then he put me in the oven. I
never felt such heat. I yelled and  knocked and pounded at the
door. “Help! Get me out of here!” I could see him  through the
opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from
side to side, ‘Not yet’.

When I thought  I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door
opened. He carefully took me out and  put me on he shelf,
and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! “Ah, this is  much
better,” I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he
brushed and  painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I
thought I would gag. ‘Oh, please, Stop it, Stop, I cried. He
only shook his head and said. ‘Not  yet!’.

Then  suddenly he puts me back in to the oven. Only it was
not like the first one.  This was twice as hot and I just knew
I would suffocate. I begged.. I pleaded. I  screamed. I cried
I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give
up.  Just then the door opened and he took me out and again
placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited,
wondering “What’s he going to do to me  next?”

An hour later he handed me a mirror and said ‘Look at yourself.’
And I did. I  said, That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s
beautiful. I’m  beautiful!!!

Quietly he spoke: “I want you to remember, then,’ he said, ‘I
know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I
just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I  know it made you
dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you
would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and
disagreeable in the oven,  but if I hadn’t put you there, you
would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad  when I
brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that,
you never would have hardened.. You would not have had
any color in your life. If I hadn’t  put you back in that second
oven, you wouldn’t have survived for long because  the
hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product.
Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.”

The moral of this story is this: The Creator knows what He’s doing for
each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold
us and make us and expose us to  just enough pressures of
just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece
of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and
patted and pushed almost  beyond endurance; when your
world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like
you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to ‘stink’,
try this:

Brew  a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit
down and think on this  story and then, have a little talk with
the Potter…